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Writer's pictureDaniel Santos

To make or not to make your wedding vows?


Many couples ask us the same question: "Do you need to take the vows?".


The answer is one: you don't have to, but it's cool when you do it!



wedding oath
Groom making his wedding oath


The moment the couple gets a voice at the ceremony becomes the ceremony's highlight. After all, everyone is there for you, is happy, and wants to hear you happy.



In this article, I will tell you what happens to the bride and groom when writing and reading their wedding vows.



I will talk about the questions my fiancés ask me months before the ceremony and on the wedding day and the main fears they overcome.



You can also access a vote typewriter, which helps you write your personalized vows in just a few minutes.


Main fears


Fear is part of the moment of vows, as it is the most memorable moment of the ceremony, the most awaited. It's time to surprise your loved one and guests with beautiful words and show the feeling you feel for the other.



The most common concerns regarding wedding vows are;



Fear of public speaking

If you are afraid of public speaking, this is an excellent opportunity to overcome this fear because speaking well in public will help you to do better at work and in group conversations.



To overcome the fear of public speaking, my tips are:



Practice reading the vows often.


Record yourself with your cell phone reading your vows and watch


Know that everyone is there to help you and wants your best



If you get too emotional and can't speak

Crying with emotion, or crying with happiness, makes this moment even more alive and unique. That's why we shouldn't be afraid to get emotional!



But some bride and groom comment: "I'm going to cry, and I won't be able to make the vows!"



In this case, there is no recipe; the secret is in the breath. Take a deep breath, empty your entire lung and fill it up again. Hold your breath for a few seconds and drain again.



Meditation helps a lot in the days leading up to the wedding so the groom can sleep and concentrate while reading.



But if you get so nervous that you can't continue, that's ok, and everyone understands the emotion of that moment. You tried, and just trying already means this moment's importance for you.



Write the vows, practice at home, and read them several times before the ceremony. Choose an excellent paper to print the vows and take it to the ceremony if you don't want to make it spontaneous on the day.



pregnant bride
Inviting someone to celebrate your love? Offer:

Not knowing what to write


This is the most straightforward fear to get around. Anything you write about your affection and admiration for your partner will move everyone.



Try writing and answering questions; Why did I decide to go up this altar with this person? Experiences we had together.



You can also consult beautiful phrases for inspiration.



Write in your wedding vows:


Why you fell in love, details that caught your attention at first;


Challenges they overcame together;


Reasons why you want to spend the rest of your life together;


Promise something you can, and want, to do with your love (children? travel?)



To write your wedding vows, try to write down the four fundamentals of the wedding vow: remember where you came from, thank you for having received this love, swear love, and dream about the future together. It is recommended to print on 90g coated paper.



Respecting these four essentials and choosing a paper with an excellent finish to take with you on your wedding day, success will be sure.



In addition, the vows can be kept in a wooden box and read at the wooden wedding, five years from now, so that you can relive this particular moment together, wherever you are.



Printing the votes is the best option for the reasons presented above.



If you are looking for ready-made vows to read at your wedding, you can stop here, stop for a minute and then write about the four fundamentals of marriage vows mentioned above; and write your vows.

They will be your words, your story, and your feelings, no ready-made vow written by someone else can be better than that.



You can also read other people's votes for inspiration. Or see below Monique and Junior's vows, in a wedding ceremony I had the honor to celebrate;




wedding vows
Wedding Vows


Make the vows for him/her or for the guests?


Always remember: vows are for your loved one. They are not words addressed to the guests, so look him/her in the eye, and declare yourself, expose your love.



Don't thank the guests for coming, at least not at the time of the vows. This is a common misconception about the bride and groom. The speech to the guests is made after the ceremony when the bride and groom arrive at the reception environment of the party.



Don't care what others will think, don't make jokes expecting the guests to laugh. The moment of vows is sacred for the bride and groom.



It's the height of the wedding, the size of the ceremony, all the flowers, all the musicians, all the caterers, even those inside the noisy kitchen, everyone stops to listen to you and believe me; they get emotional!



So take your time, don't rush, and enjoy this moment.



You should focus on what you feel when you're together and think that it's just the two of you at that moment in the ceremony.



Choose a song that marked the relationship to play in the background at the time of the vows; this touch makes the moment even more special.




What is the difference between oath and vows?


An oath is what the professional wedding celebrant says, and you repeat into the microphone, made at the time of the exchange of rings, and usually follows the same pattern:



"Receive this ring, a symbol of my love, and I promise you to be faithful,


love you and respect you, in joy and sadness,


in health and sickness, wealth and poverty


till death do Us part."



Wedding vows are what we are talking about in this article, that moment when you are free to declare your love in your way.



brides wedding vows
Bride reading her vows


Writing; on paper or cell phone?


Always use paper! When guests look at the bride and groom reading their vows on their cell phones, it seems like they are viewing Whatsapp, it gives the feeling that the reading can be interrupted if someone calls at that time.



And don't doubt that some funny godfather will call right at this time so that you don't miss the joke.



Also, think about the back of the paper. Some bride and groom create art for the wedding and print a folder where they put their vows when reading at the ceremony.



In this way, the paper itself, of the votes, does not have to be so good. But remember, photographers love to capture the paper of votes, so they will probably take pictures of your paper.



Check with the graphics company that will make your wedding invitation if they can offer a special paper for the vows that dialogue with the invitation, so the visual identity of your wedding is well defined.



What to write?


Write about your history, some remarkable moments of the relationship, or something funny that you spent together helps to relax and make the vows lighter, but be careful not to mention embarrassing moments.



What made you fall in love? What do you most admire about each other?



What qualities did you discover in this period, from the first meeting until today?



What are your future plans? Where do you want to be, ten years from now or 20 years from now?



Also, think about something you never dared to say. Use this moment to declare yourself on a deeper level.



Tell me how you feel when you are alone and with family; how is your relationship with each other's family?



How did the relationship start? When were you sure you wanted to live together for the rest of your life?




Sometimes, we need to read some actual vows ready to inspire us.



And sometimes, all we need, amid all the hustle and bustle of wedding preparation, is a ready-made wedding vow that can be printed and used immediately.



With this in mind, we wrote six excellent wedding vows so you can read and be inspired, and if you need to, you can use them freely.



We brought together several celebrants, and several linguistics experts to write the most beautiful vows, with all the experience we have in weddings.



Three votes are in the male voice


Three votes are in the female voice



Questions and answers about wedding vows


What is the ideal length of wedding vows?


Think about 5 minutes. The text size varies depending on the font you use, so print and read, marking the time to find out. But normally, an A4 sheet with Arial size 12 text is usually ideal.



What to say in my wedding vows?


The article above gives several ideas, but think about talking about the past, the beginning of the relationship, the present, and the future.



Answering the questions: What made you interested in him or her? What certainties do you have today about him or her? And how do you see your future together?



With these three answers, your votes will look amazing.



Should I thank the guests for coming at the time of the vows?


It is not recommended that you speak to your guests during your vows. It takes the attention and focus of your loved one, your loved one.



Is it okay to surprise, like singing, during the ceremony?


Yes and no, lol. Think about all the logistics. I saw a bride who wanted to sing, and asked a godfather to play the guitar, but she forgot the sound of the guitar, so I couldn't hear it, because we were on the beach. If you think of the smallest details and manage to organize everything, yes, it's a great idea to make a surprise.



But if it's going to stress you out, make you worried enough not to enjoy your ceremony, don't do it.



Can anyone help me write emotional wedding vows?


Yes, you can have the help at Fiverr.com just click and search for "wedding vows" inside Fiverr's website, you will find many people whom can help you right away.





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Sobre o autor

Daniel Santos

Daniel Santos é sociólogo formado pela Unicamp (MTB 2297/SP) e ator profissional formado pelo Teatro Escola Macunaíma (MTB 46321/SP). Fundou em 2021 a Sociedade de Celebrantes e já celebrou mais de 300 cerimônias de casamento desde 2019.

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